FADE IN:

The hall is extravagantly decorated. Long tables filled with food, wine, and absurdly oversized candles. At the head of the table sits NAPOLEON BONAPARTE (short, intense, overconfident) flanked by MARSHAL NEY (bumbling and eager to please) and JOSEPHINE (sharp-tongued and unimpressed). Opposite him are TSAR ALEXANDER I (flamboyant and smug) and a BRITISH DIPLOMAT (stoic, with a stiff upper lip). Napoleon slams his fist on the table, silencing the room. 1 Let us waste no time! The fate of 1 Europe rests on this treaty! Tsar Alexander, you shall cease your provocations against France. 2 Provocations? Moi? If I recall, it was 2 you who sent me a cake with a guillotine on top. 3 It was a metaphor! A gesture of unity. 3 Guillotines bring people together. Josephine facepalms. 4 Yes, in fear. 4 The British Diplomat coughs politely, trying to interject. 5 Gentlemen, if we may return to the 5 agenda... Napoleon interrupts, pointing an accusatory finger at the Tsar. 6 And you! Sending me a "peace dove" 6 that turned out to be a pigeon with fleas? Unforgivable! 7 Ah, but those were Russian fleas—a 7 rare breed. Consider it a gift! --- PAGE BREAK --- 2. Marshal Ney laughs awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood. 8 Aha, Russian humor! Very... exotic. 8 Napoleon glares at Ney, who immediately shuts up. 9 Enough! This treaty will bring an end 9 to the bickering. We shall divide Europe equally. 10 Equally? Does that mean your hat gets 10 its own territory? Napoleon defensively adjusts his oversized hat. 11 Mock the hat all you like, Tsar, but 11 it contains more wisdom than your entire court. Josephine leans over to Napoleon. 12 If you’re trying to win allies, 12 insulting them is a bold choice. Napoleon waves her off. 13 I know what I’m doing, Josephine. 13 Suddenly, a SERVANT trips, spilling wine all over the treaty document. Gasps fill the room. Napoleon jumps to his feet. 14 SABOTAGE! This was no accident! 14 15 Oh, relax, Napoleon. It’s just wine. 15 16 Wine today, poison tomorrow! Who sent 16 this servant? Was it you, Tsar? Or you, British stiff? Speak! The servant trembles, holding up his hands. 17 I’m just clumsy, Your Majesty! 17 --- PAGE BREAK --- 3. Napoleon squints, unconvinced. Josephine stands and takes charge. 18 Enough theatrics! Let’s draft a new 18 treaty, and this time, no one touches the wine. 19 Agreed. And perhaps we can use smaller 19 words for Marshal Ney’s sake. Marshal Ney tries to laugh it off but only makes it more awkward. 20 Oh, I’m fine with... words. 20 As the room descends into chuckles, Napoleon climbs onto his chair to regain attention. 21 This is why I must lead Europe! You’re 21 all children squabbling over toys. History will remember me as the only adult in the room. At that moment, his oversized hat tilts and falls into the soup bowl with a loud SPLASH. The room bursts into uncontrollable laughter. Napoleon sits down, fuming. 22 Fine. Laugh. But mark my words—this 22 treaty will be legendary. Josephine pats him on the shoulder, trying not to laugh. 23 Oh, it already is, dear. 23 FADE OUT.